A snail is attacked by a turtle. The policeman says, "Can you tell us what happened?"
The snail says, "No, it all happened so fast!"
Polar Bear - Level 1
One afternoon in the arctic, a father polar bear and his son polar bear are sitting in the snow. The son polar bear looks at his father and asks, "Dad am I 100% polar bear?"
The father polar bear says, "Of coarse, son, you're 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
"I am very cold!" says his son.
The Game - Level 1
A sad man walks into a bar, and the barman asks him what the problem is.
"My life is horrible," the man says. "Every night , I play a game of chess with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well, why don't you stop playing chess?" the barman asks.
"I love the game," the man says "I'm a genius. I never lose."
The barman doesn't understand. "But you say that your wife always beats you."
"Well," the man said, "She doesn't like to lose."
Guitar - Level 2
Carlos told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while he was in the jacuzzi. The next day she bought him an electric guitar.
Teacher - Level 2
A Teacher says, "What do you call a person who keeps talking when nobody is interested?"
The students say, " a teacher!"
Minute - Level 2
A man is talking to god.
The man says, "God, how long is a million years?"
God says, To me, It's about a minute."
The man says, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God replies, "To me, it's a penny."
The man says, "God, can I have a penny?"
God says, "Wait a minute."
Vacuum Cleaner Salesman - Level 3
A little old lady answered a knock at the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man put his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Please let me in!" he said, "And see my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madame, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you have a very good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
Will - Level 3
An old man had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor gave him a set of hearing aids that helped the man to hear 100%.
The old man went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
Knives - Level 3
A man from a circus travels by car. He has long hair and looks like a mafia boss. A policeman stops the car.
When he looks inside the car, he is shocked. The car is full of big knives.
“What are those big knives doing in your car?” asks the policeman.
“I play with them in a circus.”
“Oh, really?” says the policeman, who doesn’t believe him. “Let’s see how you do it.”
The man gets out and starts throwing and catching the knives. Another man, who is driving around, stops to watch the situation.
“Wow,” says this man. “I’m glad that I stopped drinking before driving. Look at the tests which they’re giving now!”