Can Anybody Tell Me Who I Am
In loving memory of Dorothy Lee Ford-Earl, October 7, 1919 to May 19, 2003, the only unconditional love I have experienced on Earth. My mother, my teacher, my friend.
The journey to experience the expanse of the universe begins with the exploration of the corners of our experience. J.P.S. 2/24/06
I can reflect on my life and identify with all the different characters I have been – sort of tune-in and observe someone living the drama of life in the moment they are living it, while closely identifying with all the characters I have been and their emotional experiences. And I realize that these experiences somehow relate to my experience in this moment of here and now; but at the same time, I am only an observer of a physical experience and that who I am is not what I perceive myself to be. My purpose in living this physical experience is to understand, to know and to touch what it is that I am which I am aware exist not in this earthly body but in another realm.
Every journey has a beginning a path leading to here and now and tomorrow…
My parents were separated when I was conceived during the September – October cusp of a Fall hide-a-way unknown to me now as I was as ignorant then. But when the pistol sounded I was off through the moist viscous warmth along with my peers in the perilous and desperate race to be the first to pierce the circle of life.
Thrusted by the pulsating throbs of my Earthly inseminator’s loins; motivated by the life force of a God’s grace I will eternally seek; ejaculated deep into the immeasurably profound depths of nature’s womb where I would be incubated until now, and thus having been, developed until then; and now having won that first race, finding myself at the starting line again, metamorphosed to an ever changing human life form, suspended in an amniotic bag of fluid which has nurtured and sustained my growth until now, and now my growth requires a new birth which requires this bag I am in be broken and my journey to begin.
We are positioned in the delivery room. Inside, an experience of consciousness is moving me. My fists suddenly clench tightly, my arms stretch out wide, my spine arches and my head follows the path bridging my face to the heavens. In me a voice is swelling, a new awareness is awakening. A gripping force envelopes me, a girdle contouring to my form, surrounding my body, manipulating my movements, pulling and pushing, demanding my surrender and defining a course. I am conceived in resolving the question of my direction and compelled forward at the same time.
The undulations of my mother bind my limbs and my body enters the cavern of my birth. Labor is swallowing my head – my perceptions are moving – it glides over my face and shoulders; all over me I am being exposed to new sensations. Unlike the soothing warmth I have known since my inception, a stinging chill creeps over me now, flowing over my belly the shiver slides pass my groin, over my legs and I am spurted once again the sperm struggling to swim in another womb. Strange hands and the Mysterious presence support me.
In reflex my head thrust back, my windpipe extends and my body constricts as a gurgling fluid spews from my mouth drooling along my lips and cheeks. My limbs begin to quiver sporadically; I am gasping and a powerful rush of air follows becoming rhythmic breaths.
It is 2:58 AM, July 1, 1947, the beginning of the world as I struggle to see the Light.
The recurring beat of awareness pounds within me, a completely safe warming sapience flushes my skin. The physical handling of my body develops a relationship with the various pressures touching me; I strain to connect as my tether to the abyss is severed. The tendrils of my form are reaching and grasping, they are developing senses with a life of their own determined to make a corpse of my mind.
Struggling to open the lids of my eyes a sudden blinding glare dissolves into shadows above me. There is no urge to cry, I feel beautiful and good. Slowly glancing side to side and all above me, I am witnessing the mysterious wonder of the dazzling darkness. The lights from my eyes burn through me; searching, I begin to see – all of me – seeking to embody the knowledge.
How did I arrive here, where am I from, everything is discovery. My world has changed in an instant, instantly life is ever changing. Sounds are gaining clarity which before were only muffled distant echoes, curiosities of the staggering miracle and mystery of life that is now come.
As I am placed in my mother’s arms, I question what has brought me to this moment. Confused by the turbulence of the world in which I find some comforts, the essential nature of what I am is now in flux. I need to know, a new and expanding truth is finally come. The world is spiraling around me; a source of life is whirling within – glimpses of images infinitely compounding as resources to unravel.
Forever the infant child in birth, the Mystery wanting to be known, its essence wanting to know …
Can anybody tell me who I am?
Josephan P. Sterling
English Ready Set Go!